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Tag: bike

Cease your unforgivable indolence! Motivate yourself to exercise with this new kind of stationary bike! Locksmiths hate it!

Background:

It can be hard to motivate yourself to exercise—especially since you know you can always put it off until later.

Proposal:

But what if we could set up a situation where you would have to exercise?

Specifically:

  1. You purchase (1) a stationary bicycle and (2) a special type of heavy-duty safe (Figure 1).
  2. You then place an important object inside the safe (like your cell phone, wallet, or keys). This should be something that you’ll need soon (not like, a Ming vase).
  3. In order to open the safe, you have to pedal the bike at least (say) 20 miles. This is measured by a gear on the side of the safe.

pedal-safe

Fig. 1: Even if you know the correct combination to the safe (right), the bike (left) absolutely must be pedaled a certain distance before the safe will open.

If you want to get your phone / keys / wallet, you’ll have to put in the required time on the exercise bike—there’s just no way around it!

 

 

items

Fig. 2: Example items that you might put into your pedaling-required-safe to motivate yourself.

Conclusion:

The main benefit of this system is that it’s always easy for a person to say “I should exercise in the future” and lock their keys and wallet in the safe.

Then, even if their self-motivation wanes and they don’t feel like exercising later, they won’t be able to back out!

This system could be extended beyond just exercise bikes: perhaps the safe could be connected to a pull-up bar (“Do 10 pull-ups before this safe will open”), or to a page counter on a book (“Read 50 pages of this book before the safe will open.”)

pedal-safe-schematic

Fig. 3: Schematic view of the safe. Maybe this image would be in the manual or something.

 

PROS: This idea will help promote exercise and increase self-discipline and civic virtue.

CONS: If there’s an emergency and you need to drive somewhere quickly, you’ll be out of luck!

One guaranteed way to prevent your bike from ever being stolen

The issue:

Bike theft is a common crime that rarely results in negative consequences for the thief.

Hypothesis:

It would be less common if there were a clear downside to stealing a bike.

bike-logo

The proposal:

In a “let the punishment fit the crime” frame of mind, let us imagine that a bike thief is apprehended.

Instead of clogging up the wheels of justice with this individual, perhaps a superior solution would be to simply use a bike lock to secure the thief to the location from which the bike was stolen, for an appropriate period of time.

Additional irony could be supplied by securing the bike thief using the same model of lock that was originally used to secure the bike.

PROS: Probably would deter bike thefts. Presumably a thief could always “opt out” of this unusual-and-possibly-cruel punishment and take the fine and/or jail time instead.

CONS: Since the thief would occupy at least one bike rack spot, available bike parking would be slightly reduced.

 

P.S. The guaranteed way to prevent your bike from being stolen is to melt it into a solid cube and put it into a safe-deposit box.

When a bike thief steals this bike with a horn, you won’t believe what happens next (SHOCKING)

The issue:

Bike theft is rampant in most places in the US. The solution so far has been increasingly huge and heavy locks / chains. Eventually, people will probably have to weld their bikes to nearby objects, or use quick-setting concrete, in order to prevent them from being stolen.

 

bike-logo

Figure 1: A bike (do not steal)

The idea:

Provide a subtle theft deterrent that would not be obvious to the thief. This way, they would ride off with the bike, thinking they had disabled the only security (the chain / U-lock).

Normally, the deterrent in question here would be a GPS tracker, so the bike could (theoretically) be recovered, with great effort. However, the police are unlikely to raid an apartment building based on the knowledge that a stolen bike is possibly inside.

So we turn to another option:

A extremely loud air horn is attached somewhere on the bike, preferably pointing toward the rider. It must be securely attached and difficult or impossible to easily remove or disable. Perhaps it would be built into the frame, or in a secure metal box.

The air horn is connected via a sensor to the wheel. Once the wheel has rotated a certain number of times (say, 50), if the air horn has not been deactivated beforehand, it activates and doesn’t stop until it has been totally expended.

bike-horn

Figure 2: A “do not steal me” rider-facing bike horn. In reality, it would need to be attached to the handlebars more securely than shown in this diagram.

Presumably, a thief would prefer to abandon the bike instead of be deafened by it or hang around to likely reprisal while the horn exhausts itself.

(In order to deactivate the horn, there would be a button on it that the rightful owner would need to press BEFORE the horn went off. The horn could also make a few warning noises in order to remind an absentminded rider to disable the horn before it was too late.)

PROS: Non-lethal theft deterrent. Presumably would not introduce the owner to liability in the same way as a standard booby trap (e.g. a “bike thief bear trap” would be frowned upon by the courts, even if it was effective in capturing its prey).

CONS: Adds a tiny amount of weight to your bike, so not suitable for the Tour de France or similar competitions. Otherwise, none.

One Bicyclist’s Quest to Fix Traffic Congestion Forever

The issue:

Traffic laws are made with the idea that everyone is driving a car. In the US, four-way stops are all over the place, at almost every intersection. In a car, this isn’t a huge burden, since it requires no human effort to stop and then accelerate again.

But with a bike, this requires significant expenditure of energy.

(In the absence of cross-traffic, it is also rare to see any vehicle actually come to a complete stop.)

bike-logo

The idea:

Bicyclists could opt-in to a “EXTREME BIKING” program in which the following two traffic law changes are made:

1) A red light becomes a “STOP + YIELD” together — the bicyclist must stop at the light and must yield to any cross traffic. In other words, cross traffic (going through a green light) continues to have unimpeded right-of-way.

red-lightblue-arrowstop-and-yield

2) A STOP sign becomes the rarely-seen YIELD sign. A bicyclist can pedal right through it, but must stop and wait if there is any cross traffic.

stop-signblue-arrowyield-sign

All other traffic laws remain the same.

But: Drivers are generally averse to bicyclists playing fast-and-loose with traffic laws. In order to gain support among drivers, the program will be opt-in, and every bicyclist who wishes to abide by these new rules must put an “EXTREME BIKING” sticker on their bike.

In a collision with a bike with the EXTREME BIKING sticker on it, the bicyclist will be assumed to be at fault unless evidence implies otherwise.

Ideally the sticker should be something evocative of the danger, like a skull on fire or pirate flag of some sort.

skull-bike-sticker

Above: a suggested suitably-evocative sticker design.

Conclusion:

PROS: Recognizes the unreasonableness of requiring bicyclists to stop so frequently. Should increase average bike speed. May result in amazing Youtube dash-cam montages of disasters. Will increase the number of available organs for transplant.

CONS: None whatsoever!