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Tag: whale

Vastly improve your whale watching tourism business with this new “guaranteed whale appearance” whale jail, A.K.A. the “cetacean cube.” Never disappoint a demanding and entitled tourist again!

TITLE: Vastly improve your whale watching tourism business with this new “guaranteed whale appearance” whale jail, A.K.A. the “cetacean cube.” Never disappoint a demanding and entitled tourist again!

Background:

Tourists in certain countries are willing to pay money to embark on a short boat trip in search of some sort of evidence of whales existing (e.g. a dorsal fin, waterspout, tail).

The issue:

Unfortunately, although this activity is billed as “whale watching,” there is no guarantee that a whale will make an appearance during the voyage, even if there is, in fact, a whale somewhere in the water underneath the whale-watching boat (Figure 1).

This is because the whales do not receive a cut of the tourist proceeds and thus, under capitalism, are not incentivized to appear at any particular schedule.

1-whale-barely-visible

Fig. 1: Despite there being many exotic marine animals in the water in this example, none of them are visible due to the opacity of the ocean water. The whale watcher is completely dependent on the whale deigning to come up for air at some point during the whale watching expedition. Outrageous!

Proposal:

The solution to this AWOL-whale problem is simple: an enormous transparent cube that is partially submerged into the ocean near the route of the whale-watching ship.

After the cube is partially submerged, most of the air in the top is pumped out, thus causing the water level to rise substantially above the normal water level (due to the lower atmospheric pressure in the cube).

The cube actually only has five sides: the bottom of the cube is open to the sea, thus allowing sea creatures to enter (or leave) the cube.

 

2-whale-visible-after.png

Fig. 2: Thanks to this “cetacean cube,” the whale can be observed as if it is in an aquarium. Additionally, other sea life that does not need to surface for air can also be observed in the cube.

Conclusion:

This system should be of great use to coastal whale-watching tour boats.

PROS: Gratifies many tourists who would otherwise have had a whale-free vacation.

CONS: It may be difficult to create a structurally sound transparent cube for millions of gallons of water and to somehow anchor it in the open ocean. Even if it is possible to construct, it may be beyond the financial resources of a whale watching business.

Your true spirit animal is THE WHALE, mankind’s stalwart ally in the mammal-vs-fish battle of the seas. With this new incredible fishing attachment, you too can harness the POWER OF THE BALEEN WHALE.

Background:

Most methods of catching fish—with the notable exception of bare-hand catfish noodling (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Noodling)—do not involve direct contact with the to-be-fished aquatic life.

diver

Fig. 1: This diver’s only wish is to catch a fissssssshhhhh, so juicy sweet.

Proposal:

In order to both:

  • make humans more attuned to nature
  • and to promote a fishing method that discourages overfishing…

…the following “baleen fishing attachment mesh” is proposed.

This “baleen mesh” is a grid that the diver attaches in front of themselves. The diver then swims through the ocean, causing tiny fish and crustaceans to become stuck in the grid. This process is illustrated in Figure 2.

Once the mesh is full, the diver can surface and scrape the accumulated krill / fish off the grid.

Essentially, a diver with this attachment becomes a baleen whale of sorts.

baleen-arrow

Fig. 2: The baleen fishing attachment (gray) is a new eco-friendly fishing method that should satisfy anyone who likes fishing or diving. Or who just really hates krill and wants to show them who’s boss.

Conclusion:

If you’ve ever wanted to be a baleen whale, this is probably the closest you will get. Unless they make a really immersive VR Whale Simulator, which is always possible.

PROS: An eco-friendly and in-tune-with-nature fishing method.

CONS: You might eat all the krill, causing real baleen whales to starve.