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Tag: snake

Improve the grocery shopping experience by tapping into ancient hunter-gatherer instincts! You’ll never believe how much more delicious a pineapple is after you’ve tracked and hunted it for miles through the savannah.

Background:

It’s well-known that presentation affects the perceived taste of food (Figure 1). Can this be used by retailers to increase customer satisfaction?

 

1-snake-rating

Fig. 1: Some animals, like this extremely picky snake, do not like to eat food unless it’s clearly fresh (i.e., recently alive). Top: the dead mouse meal receives only a 1-star review from the snake. Bottom: the same mouse receives a 5-star rating, simply because it’s moving.

Proposal:

In order to leverage the same instincts, we propose that all foods should be presented in grocery stores in a “natural” environment to satisfy human hunter-gatherer instincts.

In Figure 2, we show how this might work for a pineapple, which can either be shown in a sterile and unnatural environment or in a jungle-like environment that evokes the thrill of gathering an edible fruit in some ancestral jungle.

2-pineapple

Fig. 2: This savvy shopper is unimpressed by the non-moving pineapple, yet is excited about purchasing the exact same pineapple “straight from the tree.” This might work for other foods too, like carrots and potatoes, even though it would make no sense for them to be dangling from a tree branch.

Conclusion:

Although fruits would be the easiest products to put in a faux “natural” environment (just hang them from a plastic tree), this system could also apply to other products, such as:

  • Reach into a giant beehive while being attacked by giant plastic bees in order to obtain a box of Honey Nut Cheerios.
  • Run through the store chasing a box being pulled by a wire on an overhead track. Once you manage to grab the box and open it, you discover a delicious steak inside.
  • Hold your breath and jump into a Olympic-sized swimming pool that is chilled to a near-freezing 1º Celsius. At the bottom of the pool, you will find a treasure trove of pre-wrapped packages of salmon.

PROS: Allows humans to get back in touch with their ancient roots. Simulates a pre-civilization existence without modern amenities.

CONS: Most shoppers would probably just use an app-based service to pay “sharing economy” workers to endure the bee hives and freezing water. This has the disadvantage of making an already-harsh job even worse, while imparting no benefits on society as a whole.

One Snake’s “Snakeccination” Plan to Eradicate Polio

The issue:

There are a few diseases that are making a comeback, despite the fact that vaccines exist for them. Polio is an especially dire example.

There are many reasons for this, some of which are:

1) In disease-free areas, these diseases are unknown and thus have no power to terrify.

2) In some remote areas, it is difficult to supply the vaccine.

However, these two issues can be easily solved with the proposal below.

The proposal:

Modify a variety of snake so that it injects a helpful vaccine instead of a deadly neurotoxin.

snake-and-vaccine

These snakes could be airdropped over regions that were experiencing disease epidemics, where they would gracefully glide to the ground and get to work vaccinating the population.

Alternate plan:

The spitting cobra is a promising candidate for modification; it could supply the vaccine by spitting it into the eyes, rather than requiring a painful fang-ing.

PROS: Eradicates diseases. Puts unemployed snakes to work. Generates good will in foreign countries that are appreciative of the “snakeccination” effort.

CONS: None! You should go and lobby for funding for this idea right now.