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Tag: Games

Stop challenging my opinions! Never see an alternative opinion again, thanks to this new feature that will save gaming and also your sensitive feelings!

Background:

Sometimes, a game will have a political statement to make, which you might disagree with.

For example, in the game “Papers Please,” you must perform bureaucratic duties in a stifling faux-Eastern Bloc nation, and there is a strong negative message about the oppressive regime. But what if you think that totalitarianism is actually a great sort of government?

Similarly, in Super Mario Bros., you must save the princess, but what if you aren’t a monarchist?

The issue:

If you disagree with the political statement of the game, it is possible that you will find your opinions challenged in some way, which could be either annoying or informative.

Proposal:

In order to prevent this, we introduce the following proposal: an option in the game settings that will let you customize the political message of the game (Figure 2), as well as the normal settings that most games have already (Figure 1).

 

1-normal-settings

Fig. 1: Most games already have a basic set of user-configurable options, like the example here.

 

2-politics-left-right.png

Fig. 2: By modifying the “POLITICS” slider here, the user can pick their desired political message along this single-dimensional axis that represents early-2000s United States political affiliation. This may be insufficiently granular: see Figure 3 for one possible alternative.

3-politics-slider.png

Fig. 3: The classic two-dimensional “political beliefs” plot may be somewhat more useful than the single LEFT / RIGHT slider.

Details:

The implementation of this “politics slider” would vary on a per-game-genre basis.

In the easiest example, dialog could change to uncritically praise the the player’s actions. For example, a gritty military shooter might feature the dialog “Good thing we burned down that village, those civilians were definitely going to betray us!” or “Good thing we didn’t burn down that village, now the citizens have joined our cause!The gameplay would remain the same, so this would be an inexpensive change.

Graphics could also be altered; for example, if a map appeared in a game, there could be different borders displayed for areas such as Taiwan and Kashmir (depending on the player’s opinion of the proper political affiliation of the region in question). Even bodies of water could be re-labeled: for example, “Sea of Japan” vs. “East Sea of Korea”).

Differing graphical options could also be used to avoid political controversy or antagonizing important markets. This has already been partially implemented in some games: in the simulation of San Francisco in the game “Watch Dogs 2,” no Taiwanese flags are flying in Chinatown—only (mainland) Chinese flags are present. One could imagine this being a user-defined setting, or perhaps automatically set based on a user’s location as inferred by their IP address.

Even in a game like Dr. Mario, the pills could be relabeled as “VITAMINS” or “HOMEOPATHIC REMEDY” or “JUST A PLACEBO.”

4-advanced-sliders.png

Fig. 4: For the gamer who never wants to see an opposing opinion, this high-dimensional settings option will let you customize the game to parrot back your exact beliefs in every conceivable axis.

Conclusion:

No one wants to feel like they’re wrong: now you can have a game affirm your beliefs at every turn!

PROS: No more hurt feelings when a game challenges a person’s opinions!

CONS: May only be applicable to a tiny set of games that actually have a message to convey in the first place.

Never be unfashionable again, with these five amazing 3d-modeled clothing tips! You’ll never believe tip number three!

Background, part 1:

Clothing catalogues occasionally provide a summary of the clothes that a model in an advertisement is wearing; usually this will be a piece of text that looks something like Get this Look: Jeans $100, Shirt $40, Weird Socks $10.”

This is a good system: the company can sell you more clothing this way, and the purchaser gets a pre-vetted complete outfit that (presumably) looks good.

Background, part 2:

“Open world” games often allow the player to customize the look and clothing / armor / random accessories of their character.

One example of this is Grand Theft Auto, where a player can buy hundreds of distinct clothing items for their player character.

Proposal:

Strangely, no games have yet implemented the (seemingly obvious) step of adding an in-game “Get this Look” button that would:

  1. Confirm the player’s clothing measurements
  2. Generate an order online for correctly-sized versions of the clothes that the player’s character is wearing at the moment.
  3. Mail those clothes to the player’s home address.

This could be made even easier if players could set their clothing sizes in a common interface (Figure 1), which would be shared between games.

get_this_look

Fig. 1: “Clothing Size” (bottom left, highlighted in blue) could be another system setting for a user, next to “WiFI settings” and “Sound.”

Conclusion:

This seems like it’s almost an inevitable feature of games in the future. People will probably wonder why it took so long!

Since it’s already profitable to sell virtual cosmetic items in online game, the sale of actual clothing (which can be printed / ordered on-demand) for human beings should be a simple extension of that idea.

 

Fig. 2: When selecting a shirt for one’s avatar in a game, a “BUY IT NOW FOR YOURSELF” button will appear next to it.

 

dark-souls

Fig. 3: Some games—particularly ones in futuristic or medieval settings—would be more difficult for designers to adapt as modern clothing.

 

duck-head

Fig. 4: Strange novelty outfits are a staple of character customization. Now it’s easier than ever to bring those options into the real world.

PROS: Adds new and amazing fashion options, just a click away!

CONS: All your old clothes will seem TOO UNFASHIONABLE now. May not work for 2D games.

Get exercise without meaning to while playing video games? The impossibly decadent dream of a depraved era.

Background:

There have been a number of historical attempts to bring exercise and video games together.

However, these have mostly required additional attachments and/or gimmicky peripherals in order to function.

But improved computer vision algorithms (plus the widespread availability of inexpensive cameras on laptops, televisions, and monitors) mean that it is now possible for the computer to monitor you and require certain exercises to be performed before some in-game actions can be taken.

Proposal:

This isn’t an entirely novel proposal—the “exercise bike / treadmill that makes your in-game character walk” is a staple of fitness-based modding.

The main difference here is that no equipment is required (except for a computer and camera). The user simply installs the game as usual and then is periodically requested to perform various types of exercise in order to advance in the game, which is then verified by the camera in order to discourage cheaters (Fig. 1).

(If we can trust the player not to cheat, then the camera would not actually be necessary.)

exercise-required-eye

Fig 1: The all-seeing computer eye will require you to do various exercises in order to progress in the game. (This could also potentially use the technology behind the Microsoft Kinect .) The red outline here simulates the computer’s interpretation of the player’s outline. It isn’t melting the player with a red laser or anything, even though that is probably a better interpretation of this specific image.

There are a limited number of exercises that would fit the bill for a setup like this, but it should be possible to think of a wide enough range of options to satisfy any gamer.

ex-required-path

Fig 2: Want to activate a “where to go next” marker for the mission that you can’t figure out? The computer will demand 20 jumping jacks before it forks over that information.

The exact amount of required exercise would be tailored to the fitness level of the game-player in question. It would generally be preferable to err on the side of “too easy” so as to avoid discouragement and/or heart attacks among players.

Additional examples:

  • “Fast-travel” between locations: do 10 lunges to simulate the effect of walking.
  • Respawn after being blown up: do 10 sit-ups to simulate the resurrection process.
  • Upgrade your laser rifle: do 10 pushups to simulate the effort of disassembling your weapon.
  • Recharge your magic spells: hold yourself in a “plank” position for 30 seconds to simulate the focus required for wizard-ness.
  • And many more!

Conclusion:

If you own a game company, or are a publisher, you should demand this in your next game!

PROS: Increases the fitness level of decadent citizens of post-industrial economies.

CONS: Might cause personal injury.