Background:

Many common household pets have the properties of being soft, furry, and generally snuggleable.  These also sound like the properties of a well-designed fuzzy throw pillow, but the pillow lacks at least two sensory properties that a real animal (such as a dog, in this example) can provide: the propensity to lick things, and the presence of the inimitable smell of Dog Breath.

Proposal:

Thanks to modern manufacturing, we can now make a pillow that provides 99% of the positive qualities of a fuzzy animal with only 1% of the mess: behold, the “fuzzy pillow that licks you and has dog breath” (Figure 1).

This is a nearly-maintenance-free pet: maybe once a year you’d need to refill the water reservoir or replace the stench canister.

Conclusion:

With the power of AI, it would even be possible to have this pillow behave in a plausible animal-like fashion. For example, it could ignore you most of the time, but lick you and emit terrible smells whenever you’re trying to concentrate on something important or watch a movie.

PROS: Economically efficient. Allows renters to have any number of pet-substitutes without violating their lease agreement. No need to send this pillow to “pillow obedience school” or a “pillow boarding” facility when you go out of town.

CONS: None!

Originally published 2026-05-25.