Friend Neglectr™: Vanquish loneliness and existential dread with this one weird app that doesn’t exist (yet)
Sometimes, it’s hard to keep in touch with your friends and family, especially if you live in different cities and time zones.
The solution is quite simple—an app that keeps track of when you last met up with, texted, called, or otherwise contacted your friends and family.
In fact, it could even be integrated directly into your messaging app and phone GPS, so the phone could automatically keep track of which relationships were being maintained. (Both your national government and companies like Google have more than enough information to do this already, but it’s unlikely to be a crowd-pleasing feature, so don’t expect it to show up on your phone any time soon. Fortunately, this still leaves the door open for an enterprising startup to create this program.)
The example program below (Figures 1 and 2) is called “FriendNeglectr” (if that gets trademarked, “Neglectly” and “FriendNeglect.io” are other popular startup-sounding names that could be employed).
Fig 1: The proposed FriendNeglectr icon.
Fig 2: Here, we see a list of several of your friends in FriendNeglectr, ordered by the time you last saw them. For example, you last met Dave (top) for coffee 4 months ago. But you haven’t seen Alfonso (bottom) in 1.5 years, so the bar is highlighted in red.
You should stay in contact with your friend Alfonso, even though the last time you saw him was in court (Fig. 2). Also, since this app doesn’t exist yet, you should develop it.
PROS: Helps you maintain important relationships that might otherwise be neglected due to time and distance.
CONS: Reminds you of the ubiquitous and inescapable surveillance of modern society, filling you with a chilling dread of a future “Orwell’s 1984”-esque world.