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Tag: dieting

Make your dinners an ordeal of aggravation and regret! The new incredible trick to losing weight without even trying!


It has been demonstrated that people tend to over-eat in situations in which they can quickly consume a meal.

If a person has to consume a meal more slowly, they will (generally) realize that they are full and eat less.

The issue:

Unfortunately, in today’s decadent world, nearly every meal can be quickly devoured.


In order to reduce over-eating, we will borrow an idea that already exists for dog bowls. Specifically, certain “spiral dog food bowls” have a rim that curves all the way into the center of the bowl (Figure 1). This creates a raised edge that makes it harder for a dog to quickly wolf down the bowl’s contents—the spiral gets in the way.

Thus, the dog spends extra time and effort to get to the delicious food.


Fig. 1: Top: dog bowls already exist in this spiral form factor. So why not adapt the same idea for humans? Bottom: the combination of chopsticks (instead of a spoon / fork / small shovel) and the strangely-shaped bowl should result in a meal that takes much longer to eat.

The spiral bowl above is a good start, but there’s really no limit to how intricate and annoying a dinner plate can become (Figure 2).


Fig. 2: This extremely inconvenient multi-level plate has an arrangement of wire “fences” defending the food. This means that every bite of food requires navigating a dinner-themed wire labyrinth.


Throw all your current dishes in the trash where they belong—upgrade to this new health-conscious system today!

Hypothetically, this might qualify for reimbursement through your medical insurance! Who knows!

PROS: Reduces over-eating, improves national health, and saves the health care system billions of dollars a year.

CONS: These strange plates would probably be difficult to load into a dishwasher.

Lose Weight With this One Weird Tip. The tip is: take one meal and eat it as two! Note: may lead to starvation if your meals are insufficiently large, but this is probably not a problem if you have an Internet connection and are reading this article. Unless you are reading it on a stone tablet in a post-apocalyptic wasteland. In which case: let me offer my condolences! Sorry we ruined the world, future person!

The issue:

It’s difficult for most animals to lose weight when delicious food is available at all time. Historically speaking, the problem in nature has always been one of not enough food.

But we live in an era of decadence, and must make do.

When going out to a restaurant, one often gets halfway through a meal and is more or less full, but there is still what seems like an entire plate of food remaining. The most obvious solution to this problem is to continue eating. But this makes it very easy to over-eat.


Restaurants could be required to provide a “to go” box at the table with every meal. Then, the path of least resistance when a diner is full would be changed from “keep eating anyway” to “put the remaining food in the box; eat it later.”


Fig 1: If the to-go box arrived at the same time as the meal, it would be easy for a diner to avoid devouring their entire meal at once.


By not devouring an entire enormous portion, the diner’s health would potentially be improved.

PROS: Clearly, this would lead to improved health and well-being for all individuals.

CONS: It’s possible that the slightly changed mass distribution on Earth as a result of this proposal would have a subtle effect on Earth’s orbit, which might cause it to be hit be a giant asteroid that it would have otherwise avoided.