Do you find it hard to accurately tap on the tiny buttons in phone apps? A plastic Halloween witch finger will solve your woes!

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The Issue:

As phone apps try to cram more and more features into a device the size of an index card, tappable elements have become denser, smaller, and more numerous. The human finger is simply not suitable (Figure 1) for the high density of tappable elements provided in apps such as Reddit and Spotify.

Fig. 1: The high density of tiny buttons on this app makes it hard to precisely tap on the desired ones.

Proposal:

Although one option is to file your finger(s) down to a point in some kind of medical-grade pencil sharpener, this sort of drastic change is likely to have negative effects elsewhere in life.

Therefore, we turn to a staple of Halloween stores worldwide: the prosthetic plastic witch finger (Figure 2).

Fig. 2: Plastic witch fingers slip right onto regular human fingers and can be bought for like 20 cents apiece. What a bargain!

Conclusion:

A person who wears one of these extremely pointy witch fingers will suddenly have superhuman phone-tapping accuracy (Figure 3) and will be the envy of all their friends (not shown).

(We will also assume that the finger is a touch-screen-compatible electrically conductive rubber.)

Fig. 3: Compare the high precision shown here to the inelegant gesturing in Figure 1. There’s really no contest!

PROS: Greatly increases tapping accuracy, which will allow doomscrolling to be done in an even more efficient manner.

CONS: May open up the witch-finger wearer to accusations of cultural appropriation.

Originally published 2026-09-21.