Worried that a new student or a new employee will not get enough help in learning the ropes of their new situation? This problem, and many others, can be solved by a giant egg.

by worstplans.com

Background:

In many situations, such as political debates, the first day at a new school, or the first day on a job, making a good first impression is extremely important.

The issue:

Unfortunately, it’s hard for a newcomer to reliably make a great first impression if other people aren’t already predisposed to like them.

Proposal:

Fortunately, the animal kingdom has provided us with a solution.

Recall, if you will, how people are almost universally predisposed to have warm feelings for a newly-hatched baby bird (Figure 1).

1-bird-egg.png

Fig. 1: Humans, as a whole, are generally predisposed to nurture the baby bird in the image above, even though it is unlikely that it would make a good politician, classmate, or coworker.

The solution is incredibly obvious: a new student or employee should be introduced to their classmates / coworkers not in the standard fashion (e.g. “This is Zebulon, he’s the new network administrator”) but by hatching them out of a giant egg instead (Figure 2).

2-hatched-egg-employee.png

Fig. 2: New employee onboarding would consist of everyone standing in a circle around a giant egg, out of which the new employee would emerge in birdlike fashion. This could be applied in various situations, for example: 1) introducing a new employee, 2) introducing a transfer student at a new school, or 3) inducting an elite military operative to a shadowy black ops squad.

Conclusion:

As a result of this new employee introduction process, everyone would be predisposed to help the newcomer feel welcome. This is definitely practical, and will almost certainly soon be adopted by schools, corporations, and governments.

PROS: Reduces friction in employee / student / etc. onboarding.

CONS: Requires storing a giant egg somewhere: this might be impractical in situations in which real-estate is at a premium (unless the egg is collapsable or deflatable somehow).