Never have a difficult interaction with someone again—outsource it to a computer and/or remote employee! All relationship and employment problems are now SOLVED thanks to ever-improving technology.

The issue:

Sometimes, one must make a difficult decision in life, or convey bad news to someone.

This can be stressful!

Proposal:

But what if these hard decisions could be outsourced?

With this new system, if you find yourself in an unpleasant situation while messaging someone, you can press a button on the program to simply outsource the remaining communication to someone else.

Examples:

• An employer wants to fire an employee. They text [AUTOFIRE] to that employee, and the HR process for firing that employee is automatically handled by a remote professional.
• Someone wants to get divorced. They text [AUTODIVORCE] to their spouse, and a remote professional handles the jurisdiction-specific details.
• Your nephew’s hamster died, but you don’t know how to convey this bad news. Text [AUTOHAMSTERDIED] to your nephew, and a qualified team will take care of everything.

No more need to stress out about difficult things—just let an emotionally detached algorithm and/or remote employee handle it!

See Figure 1 and Figure 2 for examples.

 

Fig 1: Some people hate to let down a date. Problem solved thanks to TECHNOLOGY! Right: animated gif re-enactment of a conversation where [AUTOGHOST] might apply.

 

Fig 2: No more awkward interactions with an employee you want to fire. Only works in jurisdictions with at-will employment. Don’t try this with unionized labor! Right: animated gif re-enactment of a conversation where [AUTOFIRE] might apply.

PROS: Makes difficult communications (and just-slightly-difficult communications) incredibly easy!

CONS: Some people say it’s not a great idea to outsource all human interactions to an algorithm, but what do they know!