Background:

Coffee vending machines exist at some commercial establishments: these frequently offer a user the selection of (for example) dark roast, light roast, or decaf, all from the same machine.

Many companies also offer free coffee as an employee perk and/or chemical motivator to increase productivity.

The Issue:

For businesses that provide free coffee, the time employees spend choosing exactly which type of coffee they want is time that they could have otherwise spent toiling for capitalism.

But how can a company prevent their employees from agonizing over this decision?

Proposal:

The solution is simple: just add a randomizer button (Figure 2)! Now, employees can get some sort of brown coffee-flavored liquid without having to make an unnecessary choice.

Plus, it’s more exciting!

If we want to really develop the “random” idea further, maybe we could implement some features from casino slot machines: perhaps the user normally just gets one coffee, but if they get three “7s” or cherries or whatever on the slot machine wheels, then they get FIFTY coffees for the same price!

Conclusion:

This feature would also help coffee-drinkers figure out if they actually care about the caffeine in coffee, or if they just drink it for the taste: if the: if the “random” button seems (to the user) to be the same as the “regular coffee” button, then the user has learned that they don’t actually need caffeine.

Conversely, if half of the user’s days are ruined due to a terrible headache, then the user has learned that they are definitively caffeine-dependent.

PROS: Brings an exciting “slot machine” quality to the otherwise-boring experience of using a vending machine.

CONS: None!

Originally published 2024-11-11.