Never get chomped on by a wild animal again while you’re out camping! The incredible sleeping bag secret that “Big Carnivore” doesn’t want you to know!


When sleeping outdoors, humans often enjoy sleeping inside an insulated sleeping bag (Figure 1), rather than directly on the ground.

Fig. 1: A basic sleeping bag—now obsolete, thanks to advances in science!

The issue:

The problem here is that, to a gigantic man-eating carnivorous animal, the sleeping bag is just an inedible wrapping surrounding a delicious meal, perhaps equivalent to the plastic wrapping around a piece of beef jerky.

Although it is rare for a human to be devoured while in a sleeping bag, you can never be too careful!


In order to discourage carnivorous animals from devouring a sleeping camper, the sleeping bag can be modified to present a more repugnant meal.

For example, a sleeping bag might be modified to look like a bunch of poisonous plants (Figure 2), a nest of predatory animals (Figure 3), or some other inedible or otherwise-deterring object.

Fig. 2: Here, the sleeping bag is covered in what appear to be deadly mushrooms. Only a foolhardy beast would still attempt to eat the human inside this sleeping bag!

Fig. 3: These glow-in-the-dark monster faces may also deter the casual predator. More research would be needed to make sure that these faces actually serve as deterrent, and not (say) a personal challenge directed at a bear that casually glimpse this sleeping bag.

Since many animals make extensive use of smell rather than just visual information in deciding what is and is not food, it might also be necessary to coat these sleeping bags in the smell of (say) rotting meat, gasoline, or turpentine.

PROS: Creates a new market for exciting “inedible and/or poisonous object”-themed camping gear.

CONS: Efficacy is unknown; trials with human volunteers will be necessary to demonstrate the effectiveness (or lack thereof) of each sleeping bag pattern.