With this amazing new conveyor belt diet, YOU TOO can lose weight without any pain! Don’t listen to all those other fad diets—this one is here to stay.

TITLE: With this amazing new conveyor belt diet, YOU TOO can lose weight without any pain! Don’t listen to all those other fad diets—this one is here to stay.

Background:

Losing weight is difficult, due to the amazing variety of instantly-accessible food options in the modern world.

But the same technology that creates a surplus of food can also be harnessed to keep you on a healthy diet!

The issue:

Most diets require a significant commitment from the dieter in order to succeed.

And many fad diets are actively harmful due to their bizarre combination of food sources, which may lack essential nutrients.

But with the following conveyor belt diet plan, anyone can maintain the perfect balanced diet with no effort whatsoever!

Proposal:

The diet plan works as follows:

Your main food sources at home and at work (for example, a refrigerator at home, perhaps a deli or vending machine at work) are replaced by a large industrial conveyor belt and a hopper, in which a balanced diet of food is loaded.

Every week, the hopper is refilled with a healthy mix of food for the individual(s) in question. This food is slowly dispensed onto the slow-moving conveyor belt. Any food on the conveyor belt is fair game for the dieter to eat. If the dieter isn’t hungry, they can just let food accumulate on the long conveyor belt until they are hungry enough to devour it all.

Fig 1: Top: transparent (green glass, in this diagram) hopper with food loaded in it. Bottom: the conveyor belt. Food is dropped onto it from the hopper at specific predefined intervals. In the full production model, the conveyor belt would be dramatically longer, to allow more food to accumulate on it. The belt would move very slowly—perhaps only one food per hour, or less (just enough to keep dispensed food items from overlapping).

Conclusion:

This is a way for anyone to maintain their ideal diet with no effort whatsoever!

PROS: Will improve health and well-being of all individuals.

CONS: Hungry dieters might try to claw ineffectually at the reinforced glass of the food dispenser, leading to potential finger injuries.