The Issue:

Marriage ceremonies traditionally involve an exchange of vows. 

Strangely, only very rarely does a marriage ceremony include an obstacle course, “pub quiz” component, co-op video game challenge, or other method of allowing two people to demonstrate their suitability as partners.

As a result, people occasionally get married and only later discover that they actually make a terrible team. This is often very unfortunate for all parties involved.

Proposal:

The solution is simple: a marriage ceremony should contain one additional component: the couple must assemble an Ikea ”L”-shaped computer desk (or other furniture piece of similar difficulty) at the altar* (Figure 2).

[*] Or other equivalent ritually-significant location.

Additional Notes:

If lugging an entire computer desk to the wedding venue is prohibitive (e.g., imagine a destination wedding on a secluded island), it might be acceptable for the couple to assemble a Lego Death Star or Lincoln Log House instead. (The exact structure being assembled might also be a religious denominational difference: e.g. perhaps Unitarians in Rhode Island always assemble a Lego Moon Lander.)

PROS: May increase the degree of teamwork seen in married couples.

CONS: Could add 1–3 hours to the length of the wedding ceremony.

Originally published 2025-09-15.