Office workers need no longer fear attack by tigers or overly-chatty coworkers thanks to this line of “office camouflage” attire! Disguise yourself as a dog or snake plant in order to boost productivity!

Jun 24, 2024

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Background:

Camouflage is used by both humans and animals to hide. This can be to avoid potential sources of danger (e.g., a tiger), to avoid being attacked by a predator (e.g., a tiger), or to hide the individual so that they can observe something (e.g., a tiger) without disturbing it.

The Issue:

Although tigers are rarely seen in the office environment, other hazards may also exist, such as highly demanding customers or overly-chatty coworkers. Until now, there was no way for the humble office worker to avoid these perils and just do their job in peace.

Proposal:

The office environment offers many possible disguises that naturally occur in the environment (Figure 1). A worker could easily don such an outfit and be able to successfully accomplish their work with minimal danger of interruption by others.

Fig. 1: The office chair puffy jacket (left) and potted snake plant skirt (right) are likely to be highly effective forms of camouflage

If a person uses the same disguise every day, it’s likely that their coworkers will wise up, so it’s important to select from a range of possible options. There’s really no limit for the creative employee (Figure 2)!

Fig. 2: A field sketch of possible disguises, created by observing office workers in their native habitat. Here, the conference room TV cart and whiteboard are provided as two additional options. REJECTED disguises include ”vending machine” and “water cooler”: such disguises would tend to attract unwanted attention from coworkers seeking nourishment.

Some offices allow employees to bring dogs into the office. This provides an additional disguise option: dog owners can disguise their dog as a human (e.g. by dressing it in a shirt and tie), and themselves as the dog (e.g. by wearing a giant mascot-style dog head).

This will cause coworkers to direct their interruptions toward the real dog (which looks like an employee), allowing the real employee (A.K.A. the fake dog) to accomplish their work in peace.

Conclusion:

There is ample evidence that shows that humans are generally bad at multitasking and require focus in order to accomplish tasks in an effective manner. By minimizing interruptions, these disguises could greatly boost productivity!

PROS: Potentially improves both worker satisfaction and office efficiency.

CONS: May reduce opportunities for in-office collaboration and “schmoozing.”

Originally published 2024-06-24.