Solve your astronomical woes by temporarily promoting Pluto (and other dwarf planets) back to Full Planet status! A limited time opportunity.

, , , , , ,

Background:

In addition to the currently-8 “full-status” planets, there are approximately 9 more ”B-tier“ planets (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarf_planet), two of which were even considered “planets” in previous decades:

The Issue:

In order to get funding, astronomers benefit from the public being interested in their discoveries.

Thus, the field of astronomy made a financially-catastrophic mistake in 2006 when they officially stripped Pluto of its “planet” status and increased the requirements for future planets. The result is that astronomers can basically never again report “we found a new and exciting planet (in this solar system)!” but instead must report “we found some more dumb rocks… or something… I guess.”

Proposal:

In order to bring back interest to astronomy without compromising the strict definition of what a full-status “planet” is, astronomers could re-confer “full planet” status to various astronomical phenomena on a limited-time basis.

This would be similar to how certain commercial products are only available for a limited time, like Christmas-season egg nog, the Starbucks pumpkin spice latte, or the McDonald’s “McRib.” Customers are more interested in these items partially due to their limited availability.

One could imagine astronomers deciding that a certain year was the “Year of The Planet Makemake” (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Makemake), or that Pluto was re-promoted to full status for a particular limited engagement (Figure 1).

Fig. 1: This banner introduces PLUTO SEASON, an approximately one-month limited-time event during which Pluto is promoted back to full planetary status. Update your astrological charts!

Not only would this put astronomy back in the public eye, it would also open the possibility of other businesses riding on Pluto’s coattails (while also increasing Pluto Awareness) with cross-promotional offerings such as a limited time “Pluto spice latte” (Figure 2).

Fig. 2: Better get your PLUTO SPICE LATTE during its limited availability! It might be hundreds of years before Pluto’s orbit brings it back to the Spice Latte zone.

Conclusion:

Astronomers: call me to arrange this new system! My fees are very reasonable.

PROS: May increase astronomical awareness and interest in science.

CONS: The unpredictable promotion and demotion of planets will additional logistical hurdles to astronomical-phenomenon-based fortune telling.