Background:

For a person who has too much stress in their life, there are dozens of recommendations for various types of yoga and meditation that will purportedly bring peace and tranquility (Figure 1).

The Issue:

Strangely, there has been no attempt to adjust the stress levels for someone who leads a too-related-and-carefree lifestyle. Why is there no one helping out the relaxed trust-fund child living an idyllic lifestyle of surfing, fine dining, and healthy mountain hiking in Santa Cruz, California?

Proposal:

The solution is simple: instead of having a meditation retreat in a forest that promotes a lifestyle of relaxation and harmony, one could have a “corporate retreat” that increases the stress of the participants (Figure 2).

Such a retreat could feature the following elements:

• Set in a grungy office park or half-abandoned strip mall.
• Lit by flickering fluorescent lights artisanally sourced from abandoned tech startup incubator offices.

• Full coverage of WiFi and 100% cell phone service.
• Computers from the 1990s that feature loud fans and the high-pitched whine of vintage CRT monitors.
• The worst office chairs that can be found on web sites that are selling the furniture from bankrupt companies.
• Free caffeine, alcohol, and cigarettes for participants, available at all times.

Participants could sit in a room and think about all the tasks that they have to do things, and all the goals in life that they’ve failed to accomplish. Simultaneously, participants would be bombarded by simulated email and SMS notifications from their old bosses, estranged relatives, collection agencies, and ex-girlfriends / ex-boyfriends.

Conclusion:

This type of activity should help even the most laid-back and contemplative individual raise their stress to normal levels.

PROS: Helps medically under-stressed individuals, who have been callously ignored by medical science.

CONS: None!

Originally published 2025-12-08.