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Month: August, 2018

Never worry about someone breaking into the un-secured space of your hatchback vehicle again thanks to “fake trash,” the amazing new invention that covers your valuables with a layer of trash that deters car break-ins. Hide your valuables in plain sight!

Background:

Many types of cars—e.g. hatchbacks, SUVs, “crossover” vehicles—do not have a secure trunk space.

Although these vehicles often come with retractable covers that can hide the contents of the trunk, they often don’t have 100% coverage.

(So if you have a laptop sliding around in the back of your car, it’s entirely possible that it’s visible to a thief with an eye for detail.)

Additionally, using the cover implies that there may be something in the back of the car—you ought to break in and find out!

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Fig. 1: Someone broke into this car, despite the storage area being covered! So why did a thief become intrigued? See Figure 2 for the answer!

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Fig. 2: A dramatic re-enactment of the scene before Figure 1 (in the same model of car, by coincidence!). If we look into the window, we can see a laptop in plain sight, despite the cover (left) being extended.

Proposal:

To make a hatchback storage area that is less appealing to break into, we have developed the following product: an easily-rolled-up layer of “fake trash” on a canvas backing.

Then, instead of attempting to hide your belongings, you simply put the layer of fake trash over your valuables.

This fake trash would make it look like the car belongs to an incredibly disgusting person who keeps all manner of trash and rotting food in the back of the car (Figure 3), and no one would suspect that a valuable laptop was beneath the trash.

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Fig. 3: Top: fake trash (left) and laptop (right). Bottom: the fake trash covers up the laptop perfectly! Additional improvements could  also be made; for example, a non-slide surface for the fake trash, or elastic straps to keep the laptop in place.

Conclusion:

This method is slightly better than just using the storage area cover: the cover implies that valuables might be present, whereas this method makes it seem that there is no possible place for valuables at all.

I’m surprised this isn’t already one of those “As Seen On TV” products for hatchback vehicles.

PROS: I think this product could legitimately be sold for $19.99, and people would buy them as gifts and/or pranks.

CONS: If this “fake trash” system catches on, thieves will recognize it and no longer be fooled.

 

Bonus: live video feed of this laptop: maybe someone will steal it on-camera while you watch! Better keep refreshing the page and visiting our sponsors in the meantime.

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Bonus figure: Live video feed of this laptop in an unsafe steal-able location.

You were driving a car SUPER RECKLESSLY without even realizing it! Stop using your car sun visor and upgrade to this new mechanically complex solution with dozens of possible points of failure!

Background:

Car sun visors are useful for avoiding glare while driving. But they require constant adjustment on winding roads, and they don’t work at all if the sun is too low in the sky (e.g. sunrise, sunset conditions).

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Fig. 1: Oh no, the horrible sun is blinding me as I drive!

Proposal:

Instead of having a sun visor, what if the sun was blocked by an “eclipse disc,” a small opaque disc that could slide around in front of the windshield (or perhaps inside a double-paned windshield).

Using a small camera in the dashboard and an eye-detection algorithm, the car can figure out: 1) the position of your eyes, 2) the position of the sun, and 3) the location where a small object (the “eclipse disc”) could block the sun that falls on your eyes.

Then, the car can automatically move the eclipse disc around to block the direct light from the sun (Figure 2).

 

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Fig. 2: As the car turns (or the sun sets), the eclipse disc can move around to shade the driver’s eyes.

Conclusion:

Adding a second disc for the front seat passenger (and perhaps another disc for the driver’s side window) would allow this system to totally replace the obsolete hundred-year-old sun visor. Embrace the future of automotive innovation!

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Fig. 3: The mechanism in photorealistic detail. A: the eclipse disc. B: the mechanical arm that moves the eclipse disc around (here, it’s mounted on a track on the left side of the windshield). C: the windshield. D: the approximate location of the rear-view mirror, just to provide context.

 

PROS: Prevents accidents due to glare-induced impaired visibility.

CONS: May lead to a moment of horror when you think the sun has been replaced by a black hole, until you realize that it’s just the “eclipse disc” sliding around on your windshield.

 

 

Spice up your boring ocean views with this new incredible construction megaproject! Bonus: creates jobs!

Background:

Looking out to sea from most coastal locations results in the same view: a featureless horizon of sky and sea.

But we can fix that with modern construction techniques!

Proposal:

Let’s improve those boring ocean views by adding silhouettes of distant cities and monuments (Figure 1).

This way, when you look out into the ocean, you’ll get an idea of what’s on the other side, even if it’s thousands of miles away.

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Fig. 1: Here are three proposed highly-accurate silhouettes of Mt. Fuji (a), San Francisco (b), and Sydney (c).

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Fig. 2: In order to liven up Hawaii’s ocean views, we can place the three silhouettes from figure 1 off the coast of the Hawaiian islands.

 

Fig. 3: Fixing the skyline: here’s what it might look like before (top) and after (bottom) our silhouette mega-project is complete.

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Fig. 4: A diagram of how the silhouette system would work; Here, a viewer on an island (A) sees the distant image of the Eiffel Tower (B), even though France is actually thousands of additional miles away.

PROS: Provides a useful navigation and orientation aid. Promotes geographical awareness. Livens up the featureless ocean horizon.

CONS: The silhouette is only correct from one angle, so any ships that are out to sea will get a misleading view.