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Month: January, 2016

Fix the justice system and prevent railroading of suspects with one unlikely tip: purposefully arrest and charge innocent people with crimes!


If television police procedurals (or the first episode of the show “Making a Murderer”) have taught us anything, it is that occasionally, during a criminal investigation, the police may be certain that they have the correct person in custody for a crime, causing them to stop investigating other leads.

So the underlying problem is:

  • There is a great degree of certainty that a specific suspect is in fact guilty


  • There is incentive to obtain a conviction

Which may lead to:

  • Bending the rules (or brutalizing a suspect) to gather evidence or secure a conviction.

After all, if a person is certain that they have apprehended a deadly murderer, there is a certain appeal to bending the rules to ensure a conviction. But 1) this is technically not allowed, and 2) the apprehended person is occasionally innocent.

But this can be addressed with the following modification to the criminal justice system:


But what if the suspect was not at all clearly guilty? Or what if there were 4 possible suspects, only one of whom could possibly have committed the crime, but all with substantial amounts of evidence pointing toward them?

So the specific proposal here is a variant of the police lineup:

  1. When an individual is about to be arrested for a crime…
  2. A special branch of investigation, the “Fabricated Evidence Bureau” (“F.E.B.”) will now ALSO arrest 3 additional randomly-chosen citizens from the same approximate “suspect” demographic (e.g. sex, ethnicity, nationality, educational background, etc…), and falsely charge them with the same crime.
  3. Then, the F.E.B. will fabricate evidence implicating these 3 definitely-innocent individuals in the crime as well.
  4. Only after this process is done will the suspects be turned over to the “real” police, who will now be uncertain of which (if any) of the suspects is actually guilty.
  5. But the actual police will know for certain that at least 3 of their suspects have been falsely accused, and will thereby be more likely to follow the due process of law.

People might object to the idea of systematically accusing innocent individuals of heinous crimes on purpose, but this could be seen as just part of the cost of a modern society, much like jury duty or compulsory military service.


This idea would revolutionize the justice system and, more importantly, might make a good TV show.

PROS: Reduces the stigma of being falsely accused of a crime. May lead to better investigation of crimes.

CONS: Probably increases legal system costs and prison / jail overcrowding.

With this amazing new conveyor belt diet, YOU TOO can lose weight without any pain! Don’t listen to all those other fad diets—this one is here to stay.

TITLE: With this amazing new conveyor belt diet, YOU TOO can lose weight without any pain! Don’t listen to all those other fad diets—this one is here to stay.


Losing weight is difficult, due to the amazing variety of instantly-accessible food options in the modern world.

But the same technology that creates a surplus of food can also be harnessed to keep you on a healthy diet!

The issue:

Most diets require a significant commitment from the dieter in order to succeed.

And many fad diets are actively harmful due to their bizarre combination of food sources, which may lack essential nutrients.

But with the following conveyor belt diet plan, anyone can maintain the perfect balanced diet with no effort whatsoever!


The diet plan works as follows:

Your main food sources at home and at work (for example, a refrigerator at home, perhaps a deli or vending machine at work) are replaced by a large industrial conveyor belt and a hopper, in which a balanced diet of food is loaded.

Every week, the hopper is refilled with a healthy mix of food for the individual(s) in question. This food is slowly dispensed onto the slow-moving conveyor belt. Any food on the conveyor belt is fair game for the dieter to eat. If the dieter isn’t hungry, they can just let food accumulate on the long conveyor belt until they are hungry enough to devour it all.


Fig 1: Top: transparent (green glass, in this diagram) hopper with food loaded in it. Bottom: the conveyor belt. Food is dropped onto it from the hopper at specific predefined intervals. In the full production model, the conveyor belt would be dramatically longer, to allow more food to accumulate on it. The belt would move very slowly—perhaps only one food per hour, or less (just enough to keep dispensed food items from overlapping).


This is a way for anyone to maintain their ideal diet with no effort whatsoever!

PROS: Will improve health and well-being of all individuals.

CONS: Hungry dieters might try to claw ineffectually at the reinforced glass of the food dispenser, leading to potential finger injuries.



One cell phone alarm weird trick: Stop annoying your loved ones with the ringing phone alarm that you are discourteously ignoring while you take a shower!




You’ve probably encountered the situation where you can hear your phone’s alarm going off, but are in a situation where it isn’t easy to actually pick up the phone to tell it to turn the alarm off.

For example, if you’re in the shower, tending to a boiling cauldron, or driving a car, you probably won’t be able to easily press the “alarm off” button.


Fig 1: The alarm requires you to actually physically interact with the phone in order to disable it, despite the fact that modern phones all have a voice recognition feature built in.


Fig 2: Ideally, you would be able to tell the alarm to turn itself off by just shouting at it from the shower.


This problem is very simple to fix!

Background: all modern phones have voice recognition built in. Usually this listening mode is activated by a button press or a set phrase (e.g. “Hey Siri” or “Ok, Google”).

So all we need to do is set up the phone so that the listening mode is automatically engaged whenever the alarm is going off (even if the phone is locked or the user normally doesn’t use voice commands), and the phone should be listening for some specific phrase, like “Alarm, OFF!” or “Alarm, snooze!” , which it will then obey. Now you don’t have to get out of the shower to turn off your phone alarm!


Fig 3: Since the phone knows that it should be listening, it will be ready to deactivate the alarm when you yell at it from the shower.

PROS: Can be implemented entirely in software!

CONS: If you are a heavy sleeper, someone else could possibly disable your alarm by yelling at it to turn off before you actually manage to wake up.

Is the origin of the necktie to be found in the Old Norse word “šnæktie,” literally meaning “snake tie”? Technically speaking, it is not possible to disprove this assertion with 100% confidence!


The necktie is, in modern society, a useless relic of a bygone era. But it could still be redeemed!


While the necktie serves no purpose currently, it occupies valuable clothing real-estate that might be put to better use.

Specifically, a snake could be trained to coil itself around the user in such a fashion as to approximate the shape of a necktie.

Then, this snake could be trained to leap away from the user and chomp on anyone who was assaulting the user; essentially serving as a “concealed carry” guard animal.

This could reduce the number of robberies and other assaults, since criminals would be unable to distinguish between easy marks with garish ties and “concealed snake-tie protected” individuals.


Fig 1: This attractively patterned spitting cobra would make a fine snake tie.


While snakes are relatively neglected in the world of animal training, this could be the opportunity for the snake to rehabilitate its poor reputation.

PROS: Could reduce crime and decrease the user’s prejudice against venomous reptiles.

CONS: Snakes may have difficulty distinguishing between random passersby and legitimately threatening individuals.